“It’s the shop’s fault, it was too nice!” “It’s my brother’s fault, he told me to buy it!” Every parent knows these lines. At 6 they’re normal. At 30 they’re a problem.
Those who think they’re at the wheel
In the 1960s, psychologist Julian Rotter showed that people fall into two broad groups. Some believe what happens to them depends mainly on themselves. Others believe everything depends on luck, other people or the system.
The first group saves more, learns more and bounces back better after failure. Not because they’re luckier, but because they act instead of waiting for someone else to fix things for them.
Another psychologist, Albert Bandura, added a key piece: we become confident in our abilities by succeeding at small things on our own. Not by being told how wonderful we are.
Your role: hand over the wheel, keep the brake
Responsibility isn’t learned in theory. It takes real money, real choices and real consequences, small and safe ones.
Give a real budget. Not “ask me when you want something,” but a regular amount they manage.
Let them get it wrong. They spend everything on day one on a trinket? Don’t top up. A week without money at 8 costs far less than a bad loan at 25.
Don’t judge, ask. “Would you do the same again?” works better than ten lectures.
Recognise the effort. “You waited three weeks for that game. You really earned it.”
Try this tonight with your child
Agree together on one expense that becomes their responsibility: their Wednesday snack, a birthday present for a friend, or their stickers. You give the budget, they decide. At the end of the month, review it together, with no blame.
You’ll see: a child who is trusted quickly rises to the occasion.
Further reading
Rotter, J. B. (1966). Generalized expectancies for internal versus external control of reinforcement. Psychological Monographs, 80(1).
Bandura, A. (1977). Self-efficacy: Toward a unifying theory of behavioral change. Psychological Review, 84(2).
Hand them the wheel, safely. Join the Mangosteen Buddy waitlist: Book 1 of the comic is free, and the first 500 families get their first year of Premium on us. Save my place